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What's stopping you?

My decision to pursue medicine was the product of some a lot of deliberation. I was very aware of the fact that a third career change in the span of 2 years should at least be a well-thought-out decision, so I reflected and talked and wrote and reflected some more. But... the human brain is great for having ideas, not holding them [1] and I quickly found myself going around in circles, having the same arguments and falling victim to the same logical fallacies that I'd 'resolved' the day prior. 

Interestingly, there was never a doubt in my mind that I was drawn to it for the right reasons or that I had the potential to fit well in the profession. Yet, I wasn't applying. I had never applied. Clearly, something was amiss and I remember discussing this with a friend who wrapped up the conversation by shouting 'WHAT'S STOPPING YOU?' at me kinda like that scene in The Notebook. 

Unsurprisingly, I didn't know, so I could only shake my head and cry (I didn't cry... ok, I barely didn't cry). 

Then I had the bright idea to download a journalling app [2] and answer that question every day for a month, to capture the wide spectrum of concerns and insecurities I had. I set the reminder to pop up at random times of the day for two important reasons. Firstly, I wanted to capture the thoughts of all my alter egos: me at work after the successful delivery of a project, me eating fancy lunch while chatting to colleagues, me laying awake in bed at 2 am, etc. Secondly, I wanted to stop and consider how all these parts of my day (and parts of me respectively) would change. Would they be more content? Would they dread the inconvenience of having to budget and bring lunch from home? Would they despise having to put family on hold? 

The scientist in me will tell you that the only way to assess the true nature of a phenomenon is to sample and gather an informative set of data points and, albeit inadvertently, that's exactly what I had done. I managed to journal for 48 consecutive days. Then I took a step back and let the data mature (it was August, so I wasn't going to let any type of intellectual work mess with my annual leave). I came back all refreshed in September and reviewed my posts. The clarity with which I saw the situation was, quite frankly, ridiculous. I was torturing myself over this for years, why could I not see it sooner??

Putting it all down on 'paper' really helped me untangle the mess of input from all my 'alter egos', spot patterns and come to a conclusion, while giving me an objective and realistic account of me, so I can only recommend you try the same for this and other complex decisions in life. 

And now, I guess, is the time to ask: WHAT'S STOPPING YOU?

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