Toxic productivity, toxic positivity

The worst thing about tough times is that the only way out is through. 

The past month of my life has been a perfect storm with a combination of a global pandemic, a national lockdown, a bank error which left me and my partner on the street between moving house and a VERY busy and demanding term at medical school. I have been struggling, to say the least. 

But then I came across this video by Faye where she talks about the world of toxic productivity and it resonated with me so deeply. The harder I tried to swim and stay on top, the more I would sink and spin out into YouTube escapism. 

What I wish I had done instead is taken the time to acknowledge that I find myself in some challenging circumstances and my life is arguably worse than its baseline. I do acknowledge that there are plenty of people out there who have it waaaay worse than I do, who have to go hungry or homeless, who have succumbed to illness or lost someone dear themselves. 

But the thing about mental health is that it does not correlate to some international scale of who is having the objectively tougher time. And it is absolutely acceptable, and even necessary, to recognise when you are going through a tough time. Similarly to toxic productivity, there is also toxic positivity. (Turns out you *can* have too much of a good thing.) 

So, dear future me, please, please, please, don't bottle up your emotions and feel like you always have to put up a happy front - voice out when you are sad or tired or scared or lost. It won't make the underlying problems magically disappear and you will still have to wake up the next day and try your best with what you've got (non-toxic positivity in action right there), but it will help you offload a little bit of the struggle and if that's all you can get - take it and run away with it. 

P.S. I reached out to some university counselling services, tried a self-help app, meditation and journalling, but none of those things actually helped me deal with the circumstances I couldn't change. What actually helped tremendously was getting lost in art - music and visuals especially. It brought me enough happiness and joy that I could persevere through the storm that was going on in my life. I feel like not enough is mentioned about the role of art as we go through life, but if it is there for the happy times, surely it has a place in the bad times as well.